As I write this, my son Joshua is 101 days old. I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life has changed in the past 100 days and about Red Panda. You see, after spending 8 years in the NBA, there are a couple of universal truths that you realize cannot be questioned:
- Joey Crawford is a tool.
- Red Panda is the best halftime entertainment of all time*
If you aren’t familiar with Red Panda, stop right now and watch this clip.
This summary doesn’t do it justice: A woman in a sequined outfit rides a tall unicycle around the court while a man follows her and tosses bowls up that she catches. She balances them gently on her foot then launches them into the air to land neatly stacked on her head.
I’ve seen Red Panda about 10 times and each time was riveting – it’s fascinating to watch a human do something a human shouldn’t be capable of doing. When she announced her retirement last year I felt a sadness for the next generation of fans who will have to make due with racing dogs and male gymnasts for their halftime entertainment.
But Red Panda has come to mean something more to me now that I’m a parent.
Here’s a confession: I always assumed I’d be a good dad. I was confident – too confident – that I could deal with whatever problem arose with the baby. It just feels right – almost easy. But what I hadn’t expected was how my mission to be a rad dad would make life so hard.
Late nights getting him to stop fussing, early mornings helping my wife get him ready for the day, and evenings spent feeding and burping were demanding but nothing I couldn’t handle.
But then my job started getting more complicated. Suddenly I had to choose between rocking my baby to sleep and meeting a project deadline. I have to be a good employee, after all – because that’s part of being a rad dad who provides for his child. I can handle it.
But then my body started telling me I wasn’t getting any exercise and inhaling food and caffeine to get through each day and night. I watched myself grow past numbers I swore to myself I’d never see again. The lack of exercise stole my energy away but I can handle it. I am going to set a good example for my son. I just need to make some time to get to the gym.
But then my wife told me that she felt I wasn’t making her a priority. And she was right. I was kicking these bowls into the air and trying as hard as I could to keep them all neatly stacked – a good father, a good employee, a good friend, a healthy human – but the bowls were tipping over and I lost focus on being a good husband.
It’s not ok.
I can’t handle this.
I am wobbling around dropping bowls all over the court. There is no magic fix, no happy ending – just the realization that I cannot do everything I need to do and I feel like I’m failing all the time. I’m no Red Panda.
In the middle of this despair I think about my son’s room. We picked a verse for him that’s on the wall over his crib and it stuns me to silence when I think that God is whispering this to my soul:
“Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you whereever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
I believe God is here with me rolling His eyes when I’m boasting about how easy life is and I like to think He’s even closer to me when I realize I can’t do it all and I when I admit I need help. Like an addict who’s addicted to worrying, the first step is admitting I have a problem.
Jesus once told his friends:
“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
This weekend, Christians around the world celebrate Easter and the resurrection of Jesus. We call him “Savior” and we call him “Messiah” and now I also like to think of Him as Red Panda. You see, I realize I am more like the guy tossing the bowls up to her to work her magic. I may not be able to handle it but somehow she can. When I focus on following her, the things I worry about seem to fall into place. Like St. Peter once wrote:
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
* You might try and argue that Quick Change is the best halftime show. They are an amazing act but once you see how it’s done you cannot unsee that and the magic is gone. Red Panda is consistently impressive and therefore earns #1 ranking.