One of my 2018 resolutions is to read the Bible from cover to cover. So far I’ve gotten past the first chapter of Genesis. Yay, progress! But I’ve been thinking about God’s first words: “Let there be light.”
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Heroes and Humanity
Hot take: We human beings are created with the desire to worship.
We see examples of it everywhere – we worship the guy who can run fast and jump high. We worship people who pretend to be other people for a living. We worship pastors, CEOs, politicians and even fictional comic book characters – because we all have this desire for a hero.
The Hassle of Name Calling
My son is now a walking, running, talking toddler. That fact would be sobering if not for the fact that it drives me to drink.
Each week it seems there’s some new discovery, skill or phase that we get to navigate as first-time parents. Lately, I’ve found that when I call to him from across the room he either avoids looking my way or runs away entirely. It’s not until I provide proof that I’m not trying to hassle him that he’ll come to me willingly. It’s not a great phase.
What’s the matter with you?
I’ve been thinking lately about what really matters. Black lives? All lives? They matter? What does it mean to matter?
In school I learned (thanks, mom!) that matter was what made up the universe. It was fuel to be turned to energy, it made up the huge boulders of mountains and the soft skin of babies. It was, google tells us, the stuff of the universe.
When applied beyond science, we use the term “matter” in a similar way – we say things matter when they have significance. When they are a part of building the world, society, culture around us. To me, matter is what persists. It is what it is – through trends and twitterstorms. It’s the real stuff of our lives.
In today’s world of “fake news”, celebrity gossip, and fantasy football it’s easy to spot the difference from a distance. It’s not so easy to see what matters in the moment.
Looking back on just my last 48 hours I can see an embarrassing number of examples where I focused too much on the stuff that so quickly fades away – like the hour I spent trying to remember if Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman had ever been in a movie together. Doesn’t matter. But the 10 minutes that I spent blowing bubbles and giggling with Brenna and Joshua on the driveway early today created a memory that will persist – it’s an experience that… for lack of a better word… matters.
It’s the real stuff. The stuff that cuts through the bullshit and speaks to the truth of our existence. The stuff that’s so easy to see in the future or past but so hard to notice in the present. If only we had some help in recognizing these things… oh that’s right, we do:
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. – 1 Corinthians 13:13
So there we have it. Faith, Hope, Love… those are the 3 things that remain. The 3 things that matter. So…
What’s the matter with you?
Lessons from Josh
Spoiler alert: I’m not God.
Some of you may have already figured that out, but in my first year as a dad I have had a few moments that have reminded me of how God the Father must feel watching over me… moments that left me feeling like a big baby:
The Gospel of Drai’s
This is a story of the the best nightclub I never saw.
Drai’s After hours Club was an exclusive spot hidden a few floors beneath a casino called Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall & Saloon (and it wasn’t as classy as the name implies). In the middle of the night party people with high hopes would make their way through the decaying casino floor and assemble around an elevator that lowered the lucky chosen ones into paradise. Guarding this elevator were a group of bouncers so remarkably douchey that I will refer to them as the Summers Eve Bros (SEBs).
Early one morning in 2008 I stood in a crowd of people yearning to earn a trip down into the basement wonderland.
I feel the need to explain why I was so hyped to see this club. It only opened very late after most clubs had closed down. It was notoriously hard to get into and I’d heard of surprise musical performances, celebrity appearances and one rumor that everything was made of candy like that scene in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The everlasting gobstoppers must be incredible.
There were two keys to my Operation: Drais. The first was faking confidence. I stood tall in a button-down shirt I had bought two days earlier at Ross Dress For Less. I tried to put out the vibe that my name was on the list and I’d already be in the club except the dumb SEBs had never learned how to read.
The second strategy had proven successful before – I put my more attractive friends in front of me so the bouncers would wave them in before they spotted me. The “He’s with me” Loophole had worked before… but more on that later.
As we stood against the velvet rope I felt despair growing in my stomach. I watched the most attractive girls I’d ever seen pout because they were being ignored by the SEBs. The jocks on the other side of the velvet rope would huddle up to discuss a candidate, openly mocking their outfit or looks then occasionally they’d point into the crowd and wave in someone they deemed worthy. At one point they actually did a choreographed “high five” dance. If I’d not been homeschooled I would say it was like high school all over again.
Despite the despair, a part of me hoped the SEBs would be won over by my relentlessness. It wasn’t until an NBA player walked past me and on the elevator that the truth sunk in: It didn’t matter what I did that night, I would never be cool enough to get into Drai’s.
Now year’s later, Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall is gone but I still think about that night. That experience gave me a new perspective on the Gospel of Jesus.
I like to think Drai’s was sort of a heaven on earth. I imagine people gathered around the gates of heaven hoping to be let in. They try to earn it or buy it or get in on a technicality but the club is so exclusive that they only let in perfect people. No one is getting past St Peter.
“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” – Romans 3:23
But my faith teaches me that (metaphorically) Jesus is the way into Drai’s. I like to imagine Jesus walking up thru that crowd at 4am and the SEBs rush to unhook the red rope for Him. He turns and points at me – just as I am accepting that I have no shot at making it – and says, “He’s with me.”
I do accept that I simply am not good enough to get in on my own.
I do believe my name is on the list even though I don’t deserve it.
I do believe that’s Good News.
Joshua, Jesus, and Red Panda
As I write this, my son Joshua is 101 days old. I’ve been thinking a lot about how my life has changed in the past 100 days and about Red Panda. You see, after spending 8 years in the NBA, there are a couple of universal truths that you realize cannot be questioned:
Our Seven Minute Miracle
The room was filling with chaos but time slowed down when I saw the nurse raise her foot and disengage the brake on my wife’s hospital bed. So began the hardest seven minutes of my life. Let me back up.
Top 10 Mistakes Husbands Make with a Pregnant Wife
As my wife enters the final days of her pregnancy, I thought it might be helpful to give you a list of the top 10 mistakes guys I made this past summer.
10) Being cliche
We’ve all seen movies or tv shows where the husband begrudgingly or awkwardly learns about the wonders of the female body during the pregnancy process. While it might be funny to watch, it’s a lot less amusing to a wife who’s trying to learn as much as she can about what lies ahead. Oh also… do not under any circumstances start laughing during the class on breastfeeding.
9) Not being cliche
Another scene usually comes later in those tv shows where the husband surprises the wife with some grand gesture. Something that shows he’s thinking about her and is really invested in this process. So cheesy, right? Well it turns out that’s the good kind of cheesy. Like nacho cheesy. Those moments are like light houses for emotional safety as she navigates the stormy seas of her daily routine. Oh also… do not under any circumstances make fun of the sweet cliche thing on tv that’s making her cry.
8) Drinking Malibu
I’m not quite sure why this one is important. My wife enjoys a Malibu mixed drink every now and then and during the pregnancy she’s mentioned how much she misses it. Well I found a bottle she had tucked away in our pantry and a helped myself to a nice cold drink that I enjoyed in front of her. For some reason this was a mistake so I guess… do not under any circumstances drink Malibu.
7) Steering into the skid
I’ve found that emotions in pregnancy are a little bit like driving during an ice storm in Texas. No one knows what’s going on, some idiots are just driving normal causing problems for everyone else, and usually you just end up spinning your wheels. When a conversation starts to slide off the road, don’t steer into it and try and correct it – that only makes this worse. Just take your foot off the gas, calm things down and maybe distract her with something nice (see #9). As my friend Will says, “Shhh…. just let it happen.” Oh also… do not under any circumstances quote Will to her when she’s upset.
6) Doing the Dishes (1st trimester)
The thing about a magic act is… you’ve got a lot of rabbit turds to pick up once the audience leaves. Pregnancy is magical, but it can make quite an emotional mess in the beginning as the changes begin taking effect. Early on in the pregnancy I decided it was finally my turn to do the dishes (we’d been married for 8 months, it was time) – well this made her cry because she felt bad that I was having to do the chores while she was drained of all her energy in the first trimester. It was a confusing time for both of us. Oh also… do not under any circumstances think that this No Dishes rule is permanent because…
5) Not doing the dishes (3rd trimester)
In the 3rd trimester, the growing human inside of her is beginning to feel cramped in their apartment and start trying to knock down walls. As a landlord who is very attached to those walls, my wife was sometimes not too happy with just the process of sitting still on the couch. In this stage, the pile of dishes growing in the sink represented everything she needed/wanted/felt obligated to do but couldn’t because of the pregnancy and as the pile grew, so did her stress levels. So soap up, get your hands… dirty? clean? and and wash those dishes because she’s not going to think it’s sweet anymore. She’s going to think it’s about damn time. Oh also… do not under any circumstances think that the dishwasher will be a bro and handle it for you. That jerk will leave food on the dishes and totally throw you under the bus.
4) Watching football
My wife loves finding deals and saving money. She also loves coming home and telling me in amazing detail about each purchase, the cents per dollar discount she managed to get and then the total savings which she says for the end as any good storyteller should. She also loves football and when games are being played she’ll always want them on the tv. During the fourth quarter of a close game she recently began telling me about her shopping trip earlier in the day as one team was seconds away from taking the lead in the red zone she’d speak over the play-by-play with enthusiasm and passion… about shopping for baby clothes. But a year from now, 6 months, heck maybe even a week from now I won’t care about that game but I will care about my kid having clothes to wear. Oh also… do not under any circumstances run a draw play on 3rd and 6 when the defense has 8 guys on the line.
3) Taking a picture in the ultrasound room
Guys, they don’t tell you this all the time but sometimes taking pictures is prohibited in certain areas. Don’t be the guy who gets caught and yelled at by the ultrasound technician midway through the pregnancy which makes each visit afterwards extremely awkward. Oh also… do not under any circumstances use the machine on your own stomach once she leaves the room.
2) Saying “It’s Getting Real” in Week 37
Your wife will be carrying a human around inside of her. She’ll feel someone else’s hiccups, kicks, summersaults and all sorts of other things that keep her up at night, keep her running to the bathroom and keep her emotions swirling so much that Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt should be chasing them. So it’s not cool to say “Oh it’s getting real!” after 37 weeks just because you saw her belly move from across the room. Oh also… do not under any circumstances see a kick and exclaim, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”
1) Writing a blog post that compares her to the 1996 movie ‘Twister’
Uh oh.
Thirsty in Vegas
“Guys, I’m sorry, but Las Vegas just doesn’t appeal to me.”
I spoke those fateful words while at lunch at Friday’s Front Row Grill back in 2008. I remember that moment because of the reaction of my friends at the table. I might as well have told them that Jar Jar Binks was my favorite character from the Star Wars universe. It was a mix of shock, pity, and anger.
They hounded me the entire lunch hour and – after some prodding from our waitress – I agreed to cross the Hoover Dam and venture into Sin City.