when you told me you were going away
i can’t remember if i wished you’d stay
but i recall seeing words in your eyes
now trapped forever behind “goodbye”
it’s raining today, i’m safe inside
away from the crowd, with a place to hide
the silence reminds me of that day
i wonder what you were trying to say
a white dress wrapped around someone else’s bride
right words that never escaped from inside
deep feelings that are too wrong to confess
in time you’ll grow to love her less
hold the invitation like your other choice
what might have been if love had a voice
too good of a friend not to be there
for the wrong reasons though you care
so she never knows of the castle you built
to house her, now it’s filled with guilt
every memory you secretly made
becomes a debt forever paid
but you spoke so sure of destiny
what ever happened to meant to be
could you shout DONT from the back of the room
could you win in a fight with the groom
no, somehow he is the better man
she picked him to hold her hand
so you’ll go and smile and say i do
when she asks if you think their love is true
you’ll swallow your secret, she’ll never guess
in time you’ll grow to love her less
one thousand five hundred and forty three
times this old pain has felt new to me
like the beginning, i’ve stopped saying your name
i’ve even willing to take most of the blame
but it seems that everywhere i go
there’s a memory of someone i used to know
i still wonder about that look on your face
it looked like apathy made crueler in grace
i ramble, i ramble, see i never move on
tonight someone else just mentioned a song
and told me a story, it was not about you
i thought of you, i was not supposed to
my thoughts climb the fences, eat fruit from trees
the poisonous orchard of man made memories
i’ll end up sick doubled over and crying
telling strangers how i caught you lying
but the truth is that i wanted much more
than i deserved, that fact i ignore
i know that you simply didn’t desire me
questions hard, the answer easy
i know you’ll get married this year
you’ll invite me, and i’ll stay here
it wasn’t your fault for not wanting me
one thousand five hundred and forty three
a few more wishes roll in with the tide
like lava the earth can’t keep inside
i gather it up and dig holes to hide
these memories of a darker pride
i was walking a cluttered ocean floor
weighted with treasure but looking for more
i kicked my feet finally rising for air
stopped short the surface, while everyone stared
thrashing and screaming, breath was so near
someone was shouting, i couldn’t hear
i cried, “pull me up, i am heavy with gold”
someone was shouting, “just let it go”
ocean’s bounty pulled me down
never meant to see dry ground
it glittered all around me
but it was trying to drown me
i made my peace, with opened fists
it fell to be forever missed
i swore i’d never speak of that day
when i let it all slip away
would you take me home if i asked to leave
would You wait for me when i’m slow to believe
when i ask to see what’s up Your sleeve
will You tell me “wait” and let me grieve
are You leaning in to hear me now
one servant in a massive crowd
You know what i’m saying when i don’t know how
do You ever want to speak out loud
do You sigh when You see me run
into the shadows, a wayward son
until i return pain in my lungs
asking, “Father what have i done?!”
would You give me peace in a warring land
and a joy that i can’t understand
do You ever stare at the scars on Your hands
remembering the price of this man?
hidden in the winter woods
bare and swaying in the breeze
she looks down upon the ground
as if to beckon fallen leaves
sweetly shy she shivers
blushes red with every dawn
till her lover comes with spring
to slip her new dress on
pinpricks in black paper sky
backlit by bright prying eyes
darkness stalks a lone streetlight
it flickers in its futile fight
swirling streaks of shadow gray
no sun to scare the clouds away
glowing moonlight as they pass
just as they had been forecast
in the spring another fall
for the stubborn leaves that cling
to the now new budding branches
life pushes death out of the way
fluttering, twisting, fighting
bearing it’s own memory
these lonely strangers fall
once blessed with such a view
they gather in corners and whisper
tall tales from the elusive past
they wander dusty pavement
now slaves to old enemy breeze
settling on some cracked sidewalk
where Jeff loved Jane in 88
imitation immortality
fingers traced in wet cement
love now abandoned to excuses
once blessed with such a view
if i took my turn under the lights
if i wasn’t home on friday nights
if i didn’t always need to be right
would she love me?
if i sang songs on the radio
if i sometimes said i have to go
if i wasn’t scared to tell her no
would she love me?
if i knew all of the latest bands
if i was there to hold her hand
if i was easier to understand
would she love me?
if i had some different skin
if i kept my faults hidden
if we had more things in common
would she love me?
if i was a lion and not a lamb
if i just didn’t give a damn
if i was not who i am
would she love me?
i tell myself lies in the light of every day
when I say that this will go away
in 4 months, in 1 afternoon
in the time it takes to say ‘ I do ‘
i can’t tell a story without an ending
i keep reading signals you aren’t sending
but of course i will get over you
In the time it takes you to say ‘ I do ‘