It’s Over. We’re Through.

I’ve had enough to drink over you.
It doesn’t matter. It’s over. We’re through.
Maybe one day we’ll be in the same room.
Without reading into everything we do.

You’ll tell your friends how I did you wrong.
I’ll get  my revenge with guitar and a song.
We’ll wonder how we ever got along.
Love and hate both feel so strong.

But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
And nobody thinks we should try again.

I’m invited to parties and I ask if you’re there
My friends they all tell me that I shouldn’t care
You can’t keep me from going out anywhere.
I can’t stand to see you. The truth is, I’m scared.

I’m scared of a past I’ve been drinking away
I’m scared if I see you of what I might say
I’m scared you will leave. I’m scared you will stay
I’m scared that I’ll tell you all this one day.

But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
Sometimes I get drunk and think about trying again

history

here are more words i’m donating to
the waste of time i spend on you
i lower a bucket into a dust dry well
searching for some new story to tell

but all i draw is this pebble truth
i long for rumor in place of proof
some mystery to flow through my hands
at least something i can’t understand

i hope someday you’ll think of me
but you were never one for history

you are that one note sung so soft
i can’t reach, i’m always off
so i try to catch you in my song
but every time it sounds so wrong

and like a sport that children enjoy
the men who play it are destroyed
when the game is over, everyone goes home
but i am not willing to leave alone

used to believe

i used to believe
you’d hear this someday
as sure as the radio plays

i used to believe
you’d hear me someday
when i figured out what to say

i only wanted you to be happy
but i hate that you’re happy now
less than noble, so afraid
of what you’ve finally found

i used to believe
in signs i would see
that you were the one for me

i used to believe
in someday
sure as the radio plays

i’d choose wrong

look i’m not trying to waste your time
i keep reaching for words like rifles
on a battlefield – but each one empty
i will play dead…instead

poets have said it better than i
the guilt of love …never to be
i’m calling my hope like a loose dog
it’s chasing you…like i used to

given the choice, i’d choose wrong
cut off my ear to buy your song
so it’s best that you stay away
that’s all i’m trying to say

never for me

the touch of her fingers
her hair in the wind
the smell of her showers
the feel of her skin
the sound of her laughter
the sight of her tears
her face in the moonlight
the curve of each ear
the look when she’s angry
that wrinkling brow
the look when she’s bored
like the world let’s her down
her voice when she whispers
her love (when she cares)
the warmth of her closeness
her legs long and bare
her eyes when she’s blinking
her chest when she breathes
her arms when she’s reaching
but never for me

in time

a white dress wrapped around someone else’s bride
right words that never escaped from inside
deep feelings that are too wrong to confess
in time you’ll grow to love her less
hold the invitation like your other choice
what might have been if love had a voice
too good of a friend not to be there
for the wrong reasons though you care
so she never knows of the castle you built
to house her, now it’s filled with guilt
every memory you secretly made
becomes a debt forever paid
but you spoke so sure of destiny
what ever happened to meant to be
could you shout DONT from the back of the room
could you win in a fight with the groom
no, somehow he is the better man
she picked him to hold her hand
so you’ll go and smile and say i do
when she asks if you think their love is true
you’ll swallow your secret, she’ll never guess
in time you’ll grow to love her less

1,543

one thousand five hundred and forty three
times this old pain has felt new to me
like the beginning, i’ve stopped saying your name
i’ve even willing to take most of the blame

but it seems that everywhere i go
there’s a memory of someone i used to know
i still wonder about that look on your face
it looked like apathy made crueler in grace

i ramble, i ramble, see i never move on
tonight someone else just mentioned a song
and told me a story, it was not about you
i thought of you, i was not supposed to

my thoughts climb the fences, eat fruit from trees
the poisonous orchard of man made memories
i’ll end up sick doubled over and crying
telling strangers how i caught you lying

but the truth is that i wanted much more
than i deserved, that fact i ignore
i know that you simply didn’t desire me
questions hard, the answer easy

i know you’ll get married this year
you’ll invite me, and i’ll stay here
it wasn’t your fault for not wanting me
one thousand five hundred and forty three

bounty

a few more wishes roll in with the tide
like lava the earth can’t keep inside
i gather it up and dig holes to hide
these memories of a darker pride

i was walking a cluttered ocean floor
weighted with treasure but looking for more
i kicked my feet finally rising for air
stopped short the surface, while everyone stared

thrashing and screaming, breath was so near
someone was shouting, i couldn’t hear
i cried, “pull me up, i am heavy with gold”
someone was shouting, “just let it go”

ocean’s bounty pulled me down
never meant to see dry ground
it glittered all around me
but it was trying to drown me

i made my peace, with opened fists
it fell to be forever missed
i swore i’d never speak of that day
when i let it all slip away

the time it takes

i tell myself lies in the light of every day

when I say that this will go away
in 4 months, in 1 afternoon
in the time it takes to say ‘ I do ‘

i can’t tell a story without an ending
i keep reading signals you aren’t sending
but of course i will get over you
In the time it takes you to say ‘ I do ‘