weak reflection


is this some weak relfection of how God feels
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms
i try to be the one she wants but it’s up to her to see
i’m here to hold her and keep her safe from harm

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…

if i wasn’t so fat

she would of loved me if i wasn’t so fat
i doubt everything, but i’m sure of that
she didn’t love me so neither do i
i see myself through her distracted eyes
everyone smiles but they never stay
they would if i didn’t drive them away
i’d love to wonder what kind words might mean
instead of knowing they want something from me
if only i could tease, just once to flirt
but it’s a man’s game, boys just get hurt
everything i defined myself around
is trembling and falling to ground
until all that’s left is all i need
a love that waits to set me free
from every pound, and just-a-friend
from all the reasons i’ll fail again
love, break me open and stitch my wounds
tell me i’ll find someone soon

beggars and choosers

 

if beggars can’t be choosers
how can i let you go?
i’ve never heard a yes but i’m
so quick to tell you no

for what? just a shadow i chase
a fantasy i’ve seen on tv
i’m starving but i’m passing on
what you put in front of me

i’m sorry maybe more than i know
but i’ve got to see where this road ends
so hate me if you have to
but i’m just gonna be your friend

woke up

you got drunk again last night
there was no one there to stop you
you danced for all the boys
because they dared you to

i’m ashamed that i was there
but i was so afraid
i convinced myself that they
were your mistakes to make

but i wonder where you woke up…

people move on


i think of the women whom i have loved
i am too quick with that word
i left my heart on the doorstep
like a rumor they’d already heard

who is to blame when things don’t stay the same?
people move on, they get cold
i can’t forget smiling faces
joy once was so bold

i’m praying i’ll forget the way
it seemed so right just yesterday
i had something, but now it’s gone
people move on

i think the one who loved me
no, i guess she never did
she was not shy in saying it though
i still bleed wounds from cupid

i think of the reasons i wanted her
i wonder why she was my wish
when all the world is leaving
she is the only thing that i miss

why does he love

she stands on the corner shouting his name
he used to run his fingers through her hair
she’s made her choice to be a whore
and he tells himself not to care

’cause if he turns to face her calling
it won’t matter how sincere
he knows that eventually
she’ll end up right back here

so why does he lay down his heart to break?
why does he love for lovings sake?
he made a promise and every day he makes it true
maybe one day, maybe she’ll love him too

he adores the memories
the first laugh, the innocent kiss
he knows that sometimes
she forgets that he exists

she still says that she needs him
shows up drunk at his front door
he knows she’s only lonely
like a thousand times before

waiting

every morning i’ve stood at this open door
to watch the sun rise and reveal the empty day
train my eyes at the start of the sky
when i look for you who went away

they say i’m foolish for waiting
and hope’s a hard habit to break
they say i don’t look for you
it’s just my routine of being awake
eventually i go back inside
with excuses i have to believe
though each do i fight harder
to wait instead of grieve

this morning i won’t find you
it feels like pain to close the door
until you wrap your arms around me
you’re worth waiting for

the hiss of a drowning fire

she finally found a reason to dig out her magazines
every scrap that she has saved since she turned 14
now the last 10 years are narrowed to 10 days
to put a check by the only plan she’s made

all her friends are coming so i guess i won’t be there
i still think i love her; not enough to show i care
i won’t see the dress or have to shake his hand
i won’t kiss her cheek, leave her lips for another man

she’ll end up unhappy
in some run down trailer park
and i will be the memory
she clings to in the dark

the articles she’s read tell her how to love
he says he’ll stay even when push comes to shove
if he lays a hand on her i hope she runs away
my door is always open – if she wanted she could stay

but for now she’s gonna
find a borrowed blue
and tell herself her dreams are coming true

letters


you believed in happy endings
all the movies say it’s true
and once upon a time
she’ll fall in love with you

you never were the one she wanted
you tried to be someone she’d need
you wrote the perfect letters
you realize now she’ll never read

what will you write about now?
there’s nothing left for you
hope is nowhere to be found
all the movies said
won’t come true.