Category Archives: Conviction / Doubt

The Only One

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God

when you needed me
i fell asleep
you said ‘tell everyone’
but you’re a secret i keep

how can they see you
through everything i do?
how can it be true
that you’re good news?

’cause i never change
still spinning around
looking for answers i have
already found

and i’ve tried work, women, and whisky
they all left me thirsty
but even i can’t deny
you’re the only that satisfies me 

when i’m broken
you’re the healing i need
i don’t know why sometimes i
just let it bleed

it’s not cool to say ‘sin’
and i so want to fit in
i trade my mask for skin
i’m tired of pretending

’cause i never change
still spinning around
looking for answers i have
already found

and i’ve tried work, women, and whisky
they all left me thirsty
but even i realize
you’re the only that satisfies me 

at your word

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

they say i can’t depend on you for anything
unless i depend on you for everything
am i saved from the fires of hell
by the weak wings of tinkerbell?
if i doubt, will i hear your voice?
does it really simplify down to my choice?
if i only hear what i know i will
i’m a deaf skeptic, seeking you still
though in word, no not in deed
for you must not be all i need
i find the tangible an easy trick
just be patient, i’ll make this quick
i’m the whore, dressed up in fishnets
lie down with the moon, cause the sun will forget
i can face you and say that you never were fair
deep down i’ll wonder if i’m lecturing air
bold like a child playing with daddy’s gun
all in the sacred name of fun
i twist the spear stuck in your side
while lamenting how you prefer to hide
empty are all the answers i have heard
until i take you at your word

prodigal

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

would you take me home if i asked to leave
would You wait for me when i’m slow to believe
when i ask to see what’s up Your sleeve
will You tell me “wait” and let me grieve

are You leaning in to hear me now
one servant in a massive crowd
You know what i’m saying when i don’t know how
do You ever want to speak out loud

do You sigh when You see me run
into the shadows, a wayward son
until i return pain in my lungs
asking, “Father what have i done?!”

would You give me peace in a warring land
and a joy that i can’t understand
do You ever stare at the scars on Your hands
remembering the price of this man?

wolf

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Getting Over It, Struggles

i have no excuse
to be turned loose
i might do it all again

i hardly have chance
in this circumstance
it might happen again

here i stand, without the proof
to show you that i speak the truth
i’m crying
i’m crying
wolf

you know that before
i stood up and swore
that it was a brand new day

you know that i lie
i will not deny
this time i mean what i say

weak reflection

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Girls, God, My Favorites, Sad


is this some weak relfection of how God feels
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms
i try to be the one she wants but it’s up to her to see
i’m here to hold her and keep her safe from harm

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…

ashamed

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

if You gave me a voice
that all the world could hear
what would i choose to whisper in their ears?

would i talk about You?

i can’t even say
i can’t even say
i’d speak Your name

i’m so ashamed

and if they sentenced You to die
i would not stand by Your side
if they asked me if i know You
i’d deny

would that be a lie?

i can’t even say
i can’t even say
i’d speak Your name

can’t make me see

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

 


i think of everything i’ve said to you
all the promises i swore i’d make true
i can’t put up much of a fight
if i can’t make it through one lonely night

i never used to doubt how much you care
so why do i wonder if you play fair?
it’s hard for hope to go on
without you here to prove me wrong

if i love you
it’s because i choose to
if i love you
it’s because i choose to

you can’t make me see
everything you do for me
so if i love you
i choose to

i can’t find a star up in the sky
everything’s black and i don’t know why
it all looks different in the day
but tonight this fear won’t go away

if you here to hold my hand
maybe then i’d understand
if your words echo’d in my ears
if you suddenly appeared

Jesus

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

Jesus, a name a rarely use
this is that cliche beg for Your hand
i read Your touch brings healing
i don’t really understand

if Your hands, then part of the body
aren’t we all your flesh and bone?
send someone to hold me
i cannot mend if alone

my days hold no assurance
my heart no hope to burn
like fuel to reach my goal
Jesus, i don’t know where to turn

in faith that is not free of doubt
i ask for Your peace, for a friend
i’ll wait here trapped by fear
for the rescue You will send

lonely

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God


sure you can beat me, you’re bigger and stronger
sure you can find me, i hide – you wait longer
and will quick bolts from ominous skies
you can send me to pay for each one of my lies

sure you can show yourself in this place
in order i’d have to fall dead on my face
you can be the king, make me behave
with one word you can make me your slave

but are you lonely
without me?

sure i can scream at empty blue skies
beg for a sign with tears in my eyes
like a child not getting his way
i can try to hurt you with the words i say

i can laugh at what i’ve done
wasted all night waiting for the sun
but could i learn to live with the feeling
like i’m broken with no hope of healing

proof

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God, My Favorites

i’m out for proof that you still care
i’d settle for knowing that you’re there
i wish you’d send a sign
i don’t want to doubt you

so i guess my faith is so weak
i must beg you to speak
all you offer me are words
i’ve never really heard you

if you’re everything they say you are
you know the secrets of my heart
the things i mean but cannot say
thank God you never run away

am i too smart to believe
you’re a possibility?
are my eyes so blind to see
what you’ve done for me?

if you made me i’d obey
i would be a fearful slave
but i’d never choose to
love you