Category Archives: Conviction / Doubt

i choose you

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God


should i throw back practiced lines
just repeating things i’ve heard
or should i stay quiet until
you send a word?

i don’t think i can hear you
i don’t know to fear you
i don’t think i can hear you

i don’t know how to love you, Jesus
i don’t know how to love myself
love is just a word to me, Jesus
a secret no one ever tells

can you calm these storms?
cause i’m so scared, i’m so scared
when you do calm these storms
i’ll know you’re there
i’ll know you’re there

but is that all i want from you?
just stone hard concrete proof?
can i choose you?
can i choose you?

can i say you tell the truth
without the proof?

can you calm these storms?
either way, i choose you

audible songs

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God


what if each day was a treasure to find?
and there were no curtains to hide behind
could i just believe in you?
take one thing as undoubtedly true?

what if everyone automatically knew
and didn’t have to make excuses for You?
is it a sin to seek audible songs?
come in a cloud and tell me i’m wrong

sometimes it gets so hard
to remember
i love you

i collect the answers to pick and choose
what truth is out there that i can’t abuse
stands on its own even misunderstood
would i even admit it if i could

no, i would make it a choice of desires
share in your sorrows or stay warm by the fire
i chase a world that can’t offer me more
than what you give, what i ignore

your reasons

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

i’d give you the best of me
if i wasn’t so afraid of what you’d do
i say you know what’s best for me
but i act like that’s true

in dark rooms i wrestle with you
you unleash your obvious truth
deep down i know the answer too
all i’m asking for is proof

i think of your reasons for loving me
clashing with your invisibility
but they’re one and the same
you bear the blame
it is my choice to see

like an animal who’s spent his life
safe in captivity
sometimes i wish that you had
never set me free

the world is meaner than i can stand
you say you have a place
i wish you’d lead me by the hand
but you want to be chased

worth it

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God, Struggles

am i led into the desert
or do i go there on my own?

do i have to swing so hard
to get water from a stone

i can’t see a burning bush
i can’t see your signs
i wish you’d come and tell me
something that i can’t deny

say you love me
tell me i’m beautiful
say you love me
tell me i’m beautiful
tell me i’m worth it.

i would sit right by the fire
they’d ask me and i would deny

and i’d stand back in the corner
till i put a finger in your side

if i believed you

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God


if i loved you
i meant REALLY loved you
wouldn’t i want to make you happy?
wouldn’t i feel more than i can explain?
if i loved you
wouldn’t i change?

if i trusted you
i mean REALLY trusted
would i be so afraid of the future?
would i make excuses for what has been said
if i trusted you for daily bread?

if i believed you
then i’d need you
if i saw in you
what i have praised
would i let your name fall
loosely from my tongue?

if i truly meant what i never say
if i chased the light of the ending day
would you see the hunger, desire
if i loved you more than i love the fire

if i loved you i would chase
if i trusted i’d dance
if i believed i would laugh
they say such things are mere chance!

drown in the streams

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Hope, Struggles

 


there’s a voice in my head muttering, “God, no”
there’s a voice in my head shouting, “i told you so”
and all of my choices have led me to this
imagine all chances i’ve missed
to make something of what i’ve seen
but i let hope get the best of me
i let hope get the best of me

and the truth is i can’t really see
what is or is not best for me
my deepest feelings
my secret dreams
love is the ocean
but i drown in the streams

all of my choices have led me to this
God, you know everything i’ve missed
when i let hope get the best of me

thirsty

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God, Struggles


i’m useless
i’m sad and ashamed
i’d rather shed selfish tears
than speak Your name

but nothing around here
reminds me of You
taking a scapel to myths
i wanted to be true

but i won’t sing those songs
unless i mean amazing grace
but more than your voice
i want You to put me in my place

i’m thirsty, Lord
give me a taste (of the reason for pain) i’ll go on again
i’m thirsty, Lord
lift up my chin in this rain

i’ve heard it said before
thinking men get nothing done
when i finally find the will to fight
i find the enemies won

but i survive, and they look down
i’m all wrapped up in my hypocrisy
forgive me for falling so far
and taking Your name down with me

thank You for the drought
You knew a flood would have me think
that i deserve these gifts
when i’m just begging for a drink

overtake me

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God, Struggles

heaven, i’m hiding in the garden
ashamed of what i’ve given away
i’m only a slave to strong emotion
crouching in the darkness of day

drag me out to face You
for sins i can’t deny
but You call me, You invite me
You let me choose to lie

overtake me and break me
put me together again
overtake me and break me
put me together again

heaven, i’d running far from you
chasing the desires of my heart
i’m afraid that all the plans i made
won’t save me when we’re apart

i’ve come to think that it’s my way
to chase the passion calling me
but it’s you who’s whispering my name
relentlessly

choice

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

 


i’m not a child full of fear
with monsters in my closet
i’m not a soldier in the trench
praying the line holds tonight

but i hide like a prisoner
when the warden says it’s time
i’m a guilty man running
from the music

i’m afraid you’ll find me
and ask me to explain
i’m afraid you’ll bind me
maybe it’s better that way

but no, you had to give me
a choice that i might not choose you
no, you had to give me
a voice that i could deny you
but i wouldn’t be loving you
if i didn’t choose to

i’m absorbed by the silence
there is nothing new to say
my heart spilled its feelings
a year ago today

clutching it close to my chest
i whisper i’m letting it go
not strong enough to surrender
not brave enough to run

i’m afraid you’ll find me
tear it from my fists
i wish you’d stand behind me
and push me through this

maybe it’s better that way…

you know

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

i think i’ve stayed up too late tonight
all my fears echo round in my head
i’m lonely, so lonely
but all of my friends are in bed

so i’m sending this weak prayer
with my face buried in my hands
everyone’s gone away from me
God i hope you understand

You know…. how it feels

sometimes this world gets mean to me
and it feels like more than i can take
i open, open up my heart
only to have it break

in my selfishness
i don’t know if you’ll get this
but i leaned in
for the goodbye kiss

i hope you understand
what it’s like to be a man…

you know.