Category Archives: God

arizona rain

Posted on by under God, Struggles
10-10-2000
—–
inspiration like arizona rain
falls on the sand it abandoned
flows life through the land like veins
i’ve never been to arizona
maybe a clue to what i’m missing
a lifevest thrown from a passing plane
‘we won’t be able to save you, son
but we’ll send someone you’re way’
oceans are deserts when you’re left alone
and dipping waves give no glimpse of home
was the promise a lie, a mirage in the sky?
forgotten flood as the land goes dry?
no, i am clutching to the proof of hope
bobbing in an ocean of reality
no, these cactus thorns are sharp with life
the desert sports a new coat of green
all i need will forever surround
lifevests for oceans, rain for dry ground
could this be what tv tells me?
a so far product of eternity?
my faith falls short of the popular claim
we merely meander ’round a ball of flames
for i see a rhythm in the world
these swelling waves keep perfect time
lost in this blue i am privy to truth
contentment will always deny
i am broken, no matter since when
i cannot conquer my eventual end
i haven’t the power to change my mind
i am found more than i find
this desert ocean gives me a voice
through cracked lips i must rejoice
mercy is granted because of my deeds
grace is given in excess of my needs
raindrops bring word of God’s faithfulness
rescue ships sail with a bounty of goodness
though i will never be worthy
these are the gifts God has given me

the breath you exhaled into me

Posted on by under Faith, God, Hope, My Favorites
10-6-2000
—-
it’s like finding something and only when
your eyes catch sight of it then
you realize that you were needing it all along
and that’s what was missing – that’s what was wrong
like kicking off the sheets and finding cool night air
forgetting four senses getting lost in a stare
twirling so fast that world stands still
and walking away when you’ve had your fill
catching me falling when you know that i jumped
comfort me crying when i’m down in the dumps
a key to a door that i’ve tried to lock
a set of cuffs for the hands of the clock
a leaky lifeboat over an ocean of grace
at last i tried to splash my face
and found the breath you exhaled into me
found the breath you exhaled into me.

unerasable marks

Posted on by under God, Struggles

11/15/99

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

a reason for it all

Posted on by under Faith, God

7-29-99

give me some worry
give me some pain
give me something
so i can complain
every truth i ignore
every knock on locked doors
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all
give me some sleep
give me some peace
give me a freedom
a taste of release
every sin i hide
all the times i lied
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all

weak reflection

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Girls, God, My Favorites, Sad


is this some weak relfection of how God feels
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms
i try to be the one she wants but it’s up to her to see
i’m here to hold her and keep her safe from harm

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…

smart and smooth

Posted on by under Faith, Getting Over It, Girls, God, My Favorites

i can’t be smart and i can’t be smooth
i can’t see me from your point of view
i’m only me and i’m afraid
i’m not the man God meant when He made

all this skin and sadness and a heart i just can’t find
i lost it to a girl i can’t get off my mind

He says He loves me, i don’t know why
He says it doesn’t matter how hard i try
i’m only me, i’ll never be more
He says just to drop His name at the door

so she may not love me
but i think i’ll be ok
i’m gonna let her go
till she’s the one that got away

ashamed

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

if You gave me a voice
that all the world could hear
what would i choose to whisper in their ears?

would i talk about You?

i can’t even say
i can’t even say
i’d speak Your name

i’m so ashamed

and if they sentenced You to die
i would not stand by Your side
if they asked me if i know You
i’d deny

would that be a lie?

i can’t even say
i can’t even say
i’d speak Your name

can’t make me see

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God

 


i think of everything i’ve said to you
all the promises i swore i’d make true
i can’t put up much of a fight
if i can’t make it through one lonely night

i never used to doubt how much you care
so why do i wonder if you play fair?
it’s hard for hope to go on
without you here to prove me wrong

if i love you
it’s because i choose to
if i love you
it’s because i choose to

you can’t make me see
everything you do for me
so if i love you
i choose to

i can’t find a star up in the sky
everything’s black and i don’t know why
it all looks different in the day
but tonight this fear won’t go away

if you here to hold my hand
maybe then i’d understand
if your words echo’d in my ears
if you suddenly appeared

be still

Posted on by under Faith, God


when everything is noise
clatter crashing on the floor
when i can’t stand the voices
i’ve never needed you more

will you be still
when everything is spinning?
will you be still
when everything is changing?

 

playing with fire

Posted on by under Faith, God, Hope


i know, i know i’m playing with fire
it’s a dangerous game to chase desire
and i’m so far away from that pot of gold
i’m already too old

but every night the dreams return
like the flame that always burn
i can’t spend my life just standing by
afraid of trusting an obvious lie

maybe i can make it
i won’t know until i try
this is my chance i’ll take it
and i won’t trust my eyes

maybe i can make it

from here i don’t know which way to go
but if i stop i’ll never know
the closer i get, the clearer the way
i won’t stop in the shade

i must walk this path alone
i cannot get there on my own
i need some hope to hold on to
so i make my way to you