The Proposal (God is Good)

ring

Once upon a time many years ago I decided I wanted to marry Brenna Temple; I just took a long time to ask. Here is the story of how we got engaged…


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I decided our engagement would take place on December 12th (12/12) because the number 12 is special in our relationship. In the early days of our long distance relationship I suggested we establish a specific time of day that could be Our Time – in each time zone we’d set aside that time to think about each other. She came beck with “WHAT ABOUT 12:12?”

“Ok, but why?”

“Because it’s R time!” And she attached a picture of a scrawled “12” that actually does resemble the letter R.  “Get it?!”

This was definitely the girl I wanted to marry.

On the morning of December 12th I boarded a flight for Atlanta in secret. For other passengers the flight time was somewhere around three hours but it was the longest trip of my life. It’s a strange feeling when you are aware you’re moving toward your destiny. Much like a first time skydiver, I was about to do something very exciting and scary and I wasn’t going to do it alone.

In the bag at my feet was a new ring with a lot of history. Months earlier my parents had offered me the diamond from my mother’s ring for when (not if) I proposed to Brenna. I initially declined but my mom argued that after 45 years of marriage she didn’t need a symbol of their love – my father was that symbol. She made a convincing argument and I accepted their gift to carry on a piece of their marriage into mine. Thanks, Mom & Dad.

While on the flight I did my best to convince Brenna that it was a typical Thursday. Since we send each other messages so often, she was sure to notice a three-hour silence from me. I was afraid she’d already be suspecting something special on 12/12 and when she told me the night before my flight that she’d gotten her hair cut and painted her nails I had a sinking feeling that she knew was just too nice to ruin my plan. But just in case, I used a laptop and the onboard WiFi to send her text messages from the air. I landed at 2pm and while hustling through the Atlanta airport I sent her an additional “Happy R Time” message since it was 12:12pm back in Phoenix.

Apparently I’m extraordinarily good at deception.

I took a cab to Muss & Turners restaurant where Brenna had (fake) plans for drinks with her friend Meg. I had heard about M&T’s weeks earlier when Brenna told me about a business lunch she attended in a cool location with a hidden speakeasy bar in the back. Thanks to Google and a few Yelp reviews I found the name of the place and got in touch with Tiffany their awesome event planner who was a huge help in the planning process.

When I arrived to M&T’s I found my expectations exceeded. Across an open dining room was a large freezer door that opened to expose a shadowy hallway that twisted and turned into a cozy speakeasy-style bar. There was a dining room off of the hallway that allowed for some privacy and the bar featured one-way mirrors that I used to watch for Brenna’s arrival while sipping a cocktail Tiffany bought me to calm my nerves.

mt

Finally, the moment (and the girl) arrived and I saw Brenna enter the dining room. The staff sprung into action as I slipped through a side door into the private dining room. In a few moments I heard Brenna being directed down the hall. She turned and saw me standing there in a suit and gasped, “Oh my God!” as she walked toward me.

She was stunned and I was shaking. But I managed to get on one knee and ask her to marry me…

After the shock wore off and the reality of what just happened was setting in she asked disappointedly, “So Meg’s isn’t coming?”

“Sorry,” I said unapologetically (keep reading).

After a few minutes to ourselves I told her the private room was booked so we had to relocate into the bar area. There, she discovered a table set up with a Monopoly game I had made up with each property representing a special place in our lives. Monopoly is her favorite board game and it’s now mine as long as I am winning.

We enjoyed a couple of mimosas at our table while I filled her in on some of the backstory leading up to the Question then we decided to go back down the hallway – collect my bags from the private room – and have dinner in the main dining area (ok, that was the last deception, I promise!). As Brenna rounded the corner she gasped when she saw coats on some of the chairs. She thought we’d have to awkwardly retrieve my luggage during someone else’s dinner until she took another step and saw a few of her friends (including Meg!) waiting to surprise her. I had contacted them via Facebook (not creepy at all) and asked them to assemble to help us celebrate.

It was an incredible night.

Looking back, I am so grateful for everyone who played a part in this to make it so much better than I could have planned it on my own.  Everything fell into place so perfectly and magically that it would have been easy to think I’d fallen into a fairy tale.

Thank you to Muss & Turner’s –  the staff went above and beyond to welcome me and make Brenna’s night truly special. Definitely check this place out and ask to see Eleanor.

Thank you to Meg and Bryn for helping with the plan, getting Brenna there with a clean(isn) shirt and for keeping a secret!

Thank you to Lisa for the airport drop-off and to all of my friends for your encouragement, advice, and excitement.

Thank you to my family – in San Antonio and North Carolina and soon opening new locations in Houston, Austin, and Tennessee – for everything.

And thank you to God who reached into the cookie jar in His perfect time and gave me everything I’d hoped for after all – happily ever after.

It’s Over. We’re Through.

I’ve had enough to drink over you.
It doesn’t matter. It’s over. We’re through.
Maybe one day we’ll be in the same room.
Without reading into everything we do.

You’ll tell your friends how I did you wrong.
I’ll get  my revenge with guitar and a song.
We’ll wonder how we ever got along.
Love and hate both feel so strong.

But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
And nobody thinks we should try again.

I’m invited to parties and I ask if you’re there
My friends they all tell me that I shouldn’t care
You can’t keep me from going out anywhere.
I can’t stand to see you. The truth is, I’m scared.

I’m scared of a past I’ve been drinking away
I’m scared if I see you of what I might say
I’m scared you will leave. I’m scared you will stay
I’m scared that I’ll tell you all this one day.

But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
Sometimes I get drunk and think about trying again

stranger

a stranger rode in from somewhere south
his face told more stories than his mouth
he stopped first at our general store
his old boots left tracks on the floor

momma mumbled and grabbed a broom
followed the man around the room
my father asked him where he was going
he replied, “nowhere worth knowing”

word spread as fast as a shout is loud
a stranger knows how to attract a crowd
the sunset so bright, i looked away
watching the stranger ride away

the breath you exhaled into me

10-6-2000
—-
it’s like finding something and only when
your eyes catch sight of it then
you realize that you were needing it all along
and that’s what was missing – that’s what was wrong
like kicking off the sheets and finding cool night air
forgetting four senses getting lost in a stare
twirling so fast that world stands still
and walking away when you’ve had your fill
catching me falling when you know that i jumped
comfort me crying when i’m down in the dumps
a key to a door that i’ve tried to lock
a set of cuffs for the hands of the clock
a leaky lifeboat over an ocean of grace
at last i tried to splash my face
and found the breath you exhaled into me
found the breath you exhaled into me.

weak reflection


is this some weak relfection of how God feels
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms
i try to be the one she wants but it’s up to her to see
i’m here to hold her and keep her safe from harm

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…

smart and smooth

i can’t be smart and i can’t be smooth
i can’t see me from your point of view
i’m only me and i’m afraid
i’m not the man God meant when He made

all this skin and sadness and a heart i just can’t find
i lost it to a girl i can’t get off my mind

He says He loves me, i don’t know why
He says it doesn’t matter how hard i try
i’m only me, i’ll never be more
He says just to drop His name at the door

so she may not love me
but i think i’ll be ok
i’m gonna let her go
till she’s the one that got away

poetry fails

 

your voice sways the curtains

soft as a breeze
so long since i’ve felt this
i miss you

poetry fails
words grind against
feelings i hide
i love you
and i don’t care
as long as you
as long as you
don’t leave.

intimacy

intimacy the magic and the fury
of being for you what you are for me
i want to discover, till i can’t remember…
what it was like to have to wonder

your skin, fragile under sunlight
my lips against the sensative spots
the heat of closeness, we stare…
i trace lines through your hair

hands against you
words wait by the bed
what we’re making
can’t be said

shadows squeezed out by our light
making eternal this trembling night
and i close my eyes to hear you try
to feel the full effect of a heavy sigh

and then you laugh
and there we lie
and i never say
goodbye

pennsylvania

so you’re off to pennsylvania
where the horse and buggies roll
you’re off to chase a rainbow
i hope you find a pot of gold
in pennsylvania…

don’t take no shit from anybody
you know what you can do
been there for everybody
now do what’s best for you
in pennsylvania

but before you go
there’s something you should know
you’re never alone, never alone
and always call Texas home

come back from pennsylvania
you’re always welcome here
when the winter snow is heavy
and all the fun has disappeared
from pennsylvania

maybe i’m just jealous
i’ll chase my dream someday
i hope you find your happiness
if you decide to stay
in pennsylvania