Category Archives: Struggles

at the pass

Posted on by under God, Struggles

i’m not a strong man
when i push down
get up again

but the hardest thing
is seeing you smile through
tears of my intent

are you ok?
i did not mean it
i’m sorry

please won’t you stay?
i’d quit betting on me…

here are scars from fights we’ve won
here are scars from nights i’ve run
but head me off at the pass

i’m a rat born into a maze
i don’t know any other way

don’t question the walls
or the end of my days
i can’t see anything but yesterday

the ground will shake beneath my feet
the nations will fall in flames

but cover me up in your promises
and tell me again how you know my name

here are scars from fights we’ve won
here are scars from nights i’ve run
but head me off at the pass

i’ve got so much i want to say to you
but the words all spill out of order
put a hand on my shoulder
You know…

i am me

Posted on by under Struggles


i want to change
i want to be someone else
than this who i’ve become
slowly sliding into me

i aim to climb
into the cockpit of a bird
that can fly higher than i
have ever hoped to see

but i am me
unfortunately
all things turn
around me
i am and will always be
me

here is the mask
i wear outside
when the weather calls
for the slightest bit of pride

here is the mask
i where when i’m real
i’ve grown up in costumes
don’t know how to feel for real

show me

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

nothing seems less fair
than these tears that fall
i was on my best behavior
still not good enough
for You
who watches us unfold
and lay bare in open day
cringe and crinkle in the flames
no, still not worthy
nothing i have earned
to keep me happy, keep me saved
keep me from being burned
it’s only You
who pull me higher
only You who demands my desire
above healing of old wounds
i want You to come back soon
and explain to me why
i let myself down
and give pieces of me away
to all the wrong people
who can’t be trusted
with what You made
this sad mess of a man
but You see more in me
than i could ever dream
show me
a frame from a better day
a glimpse of when i let go
and let You lead the way

friday the 13th

Posted on by under Struggles

i’m a little bit lonely
i’m a little bit down
tonight i regret
ever coming to this town

i know it’s not real
just one of my moods
not a bad life
just bad attitude

but i can’t help the wishing
the aching for a friend today
to call me cause they can’t
seem to stay away

bad luck, i guess for me
the legend of the day
i feel like believing it
to give me something to say

something i can blame
when this silence settles in
something i can use
when i can’t find a friend

homesick

Posted on by under friends, Struggles

where are my thoughts that i can explain
this feeling inside neither pleasure nor pain
so many miles still i haven’t moved on
i remember so much that i never feel gone
but i am forgotten, i must keep in mind
the lives i left have left me behind
there is no great sadness, cause it wasn’t to be
they were never supposed to matter to me
i guess i slipped up, i guess it’s a sin
my desperate craving to be back there again
resting my mind in the hands of the clock
assuming my someday i’ll be back on the block
but i will not change from this image of shame
and they may not even remember my name.

fault

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

one crack in the wall means the death of the dam
and i feel the fissures in all that i am
i can’t let go of what should float away

these waves are relentless, they pound the shore
a stronger man could stand for more
but i crumble and fall into the sea
but the waters NEVER rise above me

you told me i’d make it
if i just held on
it’s my faults
i couldn’t last that long

so just don’t make things ok again
i need creation, not just ammends
don’t paint me over in pure bright white

but give me the fire i dread like death
give me the birth i crave like breath
melt my walls and make them new
so the world will know i stand for You

tell me i’ll make it
if i just hold on
fix my faults
so i can’t last that long

afraid of You

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

i’m not afraid of You
i’m afraid of what You can do
open my gates for an army of enemies
and let me have what i’m reaching for

so i get dressed up for you
i wash my hands and wipe my brow
a smile for you like you can’t see
i’m just trying to win your mercy

i doubt you’re there because
i am just as weak as i ever was
beat me down and steal my pride
prove that evil has nowhere to hide

how could you hang there
when you knew this day would come
how can you still care
after everything i’ve done

it’s cheap and easy to begin
“Lord, forgive me for my sins”
but it hurts so much to say
forgive me for today

surely this one was what made
the Son hang in unholy shade
surely God had to turn away
when this debt was paid

make of me

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

if i envy…what will be?
if i got what the world took away from me
will i be the one i always claimed to be?
truth from lies i’ve told everybody

i see a man i might have been
the finish line for what i never could begin
to run that race you have to want to win
and i could never find that fire again

but i am only what you make of me
i am only what you make of me

shoulder my load and walk on home
leave me here to cry alone
i’m choked by vines from seeds i’ve sown
but You don’t forget Your own

never leave me, no don’t forsake
me or these messes i make
stay close you can hear my heart break
closer still every time i wake

can i come over

Posted on by under Faith, friends, God, My Favorites, Struggles

 


can i come over and make it ok
i don’t know what to say
but i can hear you choke back your tears
i have to fix what’s broken

i know the pain that has you down
i’m wounded too, i limp around
i know that life – life is unfair
but that is a reason for joy

we know the end of the story
but this chapter breaks our hearts
and i can’t make you smile
are we that far apart

i don’t know why the guys don’t call you
i don’t know who is meant for you
but i know beyond romance
God is waiting….waiting….

so let these words bring you comfort
rest not in things to come
but know that your hope for tomorrow
comes from what’s already been done

whatever i need

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

how many times have you stood at the beside
and watched the loved ones come in and cry
each tear a secret no one can confide
how many times have you watched us die

how many times have you whispered your grace
how many people really heard what you meant
each word, twisted and turned, for quick release
how many times have you stayed silent

but this is me, down on my knees
i know you’ve seen me this way before
this is me, saying ‘help me, please’
and knockin’ on your door

give me what it is i need to be free

i’m locked up here in day after day
looking for something, some kind of key
mourning the loss of things passed away
how many out there are just like me

the questions are echoes bounced off the sky
the answers you gave are ignored or denied
we’re not here to watch our lives pass by
how many times have you heard this cry?