Category Archives: Struggles

heaven help me

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God, Struggles

365 reasons to say thank you
but all i can think about is one day
how so much can change in a year
and still say much the same

with my tainted wisdom i can guess
that i’ll keep falling till the floor
and only then will God pick me up
when i can’t fight Him anymore

heaven help me, i’m not there yet
why do i fall when You say i can fly?
heaven help me, i must forget
why i wound You with lies?
do what it takes to break me
heaven help me, i’m not there yet

how much further before i land
and fall broken to my knees
how many nights like this until
i hang from the tree of my deeds

i long for that distant day
when all this will be erased
as shadows flee from the sun
and i recognize Your face

this much i know

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

pick me up this threshing floor
tell me i’m special, tell me i’m loved
tell me you sing me a lullaby
every night from above

they told me stories i eventually read
i had no problem calling them true
but now they are feeding me little white lies
making it easier …to follow You

but i don’t believe in You
because i’m supposed to
i won’t pretend to understand
all the works of Your hand

but this much i know is true
i need You

schoolnight fights back when i was a boy
i wanted to stay up till i fell asleep
dad would say – tomorrows another day
as he tucked me under the sheets

in that darkness i had no fear
of the consequence of coming years
i rested in knowing that you knew me
there was more to life than i could see

now i just need to be told once more
that you fuss over those the world ignores
hold me and tell me again
You’re my friend

reason in the rain

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Faith, God, Struggles

thunder rolls inside of me
lightning flashes, i can’t see
what this storm is for

i’ve prayed the days gone by
please explain why it’s so dry
there must be something more

this is what i’ve prayed for
thank you, please take it away
cause all i see is the pain
show me the reason in the rain

the night’s alive and it is angry
again i’m asking “save me!”
give me the strength to wait longer

the clouds will pass, the sun will rise
i can imagine clear blue skies
but this storm…it’s making me stronger

someday

Posted on by under Faith, God, Hope, Struggles

i say someday
i pray someway
i’ll be the one i’ve always claimed to be
i’ll be a slave who knows what it’s like to be set free

so i say “someday”

i don’t know – maybe tomorrow
you’ll show me – where i need to go

but, God, in my own little world
where all i can see is what You haven’t done for me
i don’t why You just dont reach down and say
“my child, here’s the way”

so i say “someday”

i pray someday
i’d follow your path
i’d stick with you
but i guess only You know what i’d do

someday i pray
You’ll give me a love

cause God in my own little world
where all i can see is just how lonely i am
i don’t see why i have to spend these days
just come down and be with me

but you say someday
You say One Day

the new guy

Posted on by under Struggles

here again i search for phrases
that embody the way through the mazes
i stretch out a hand into the quiet
with no success i decide to try it

this, the result of a day hard at play
out in the world making friends and good pay
smiles and insults could be seen in their eyes
and i knew when a welcome was simply a lie

the last game i played i was crowned the master
but it was only a sport and the rookies were faster
so before i was old and put out of my prime
i fled from the town and reset the time

the chill of the new room reminds me why
why everyone hates to be the new guy
the mystery is that someday i might be
as important to them as they are to me

i think back on the faces i only remember
the ones that will forever be last December
and i miss them more than an acquaintance should
i wish i’d loved them, but i never could

as is my life, i am bound by a fear
that someday i’ll be led away from here
my days can’t be wasted making someone proud
my nights will be spent letting them down

if i am indeed my father’s son
why can’t i finish what he’s begun
i have no pride, and i need an excuse
to believe i am being put to good use

better off

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

i automatically consider san antonio as God’s will simply because i actually moved here — which i guess is something of a miracle. but truth is i’m just terrified to think that this is just another mistake or dead end. but i may not be “better off”, but at least i’m asking…begging God for help instead of living in blind contentment.

now i understand
how way back then
they could run from what i’d embrace

i said they were fools
i still know it’s true
but now i’m one of them

cause i can’t deny – You brought me here
though the reason is not clear
and i can’t deny – You’re still behind
the blessing i can’t find

no i’m not better off
but i’m closer – to You

i had a smile
brought from earthly things
but they too soon turned to dust

now i’m struggling
with what i’m doing here
and the hardest thing is to trust

cause i blame You – You brought me here
and the reason is not clear
and i thank You – You still behind
me though i am so blind

no i’m not better off
but i’m closer – to You

make it clear

Posted on by under God, Struggles


i left home for college
he left cause he killed a man
we found more than we were ready for
more than we could comprehend

i envy him – how he stood there
staring at proof of God’s plan
how he doubted, and still believed
how he led the slaves from that land

where is that sign
that sends me on my way
signs of the time
don’t seem to speak through flames

but, God, i’m listening – why can’t i hear
when You speak – make it clear

i fear unpopularity
he hid from the wrath in the land
i am shown my potential
he knew he was the weakest man

i want an angel here telling me
i have the strength to succeed
and i want to test You when i can’t believe
You are choosing me to lead

where is my sign
that tells me what to be
signs of the time
don’t seem to dry my fleece

God, i’m listening – and i can’t hear
when You speak – will you make it clear?

All the Answers

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

 


why don’t i love my parents like a used to
why don’t i just do what i’m supposed to

why must this world spin on despite my cry for pause
where does God’s grace collide with God’s laws

oh – i don’t have all the answers
but i have all the answers i need

why don’t i don’t have friends like everyone’s supposed to
why can’t i just learn to trust in You

why must my prayers feel like they don’t leave my room
how long can one wait for someday soon

oh – i don’t have all the answers
but i have all the answers i need

what can she teach me that i don’t already know
what could be waiting in San Antonio

crap dammit

Posted on by under God, Struggles

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

inspiration for another day

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

what can i say more than thank you?
how can i pay back with sound?
You’ve given me what i can keep
and forever follow round

a photograph on the inside of me
a stil picture of what my life could be
and when i’m sick of the disease
you offer me the remedy

what i can’t find in the times
what i’ve lost along the way
YOu are what can be mine
inspiration for another day

why do i rise but to meet you
what is my breath but your name
every thought meant to please
ever word to fuel the flame

to only see that i’m unworthy
it lends all the more to our gaze
and to know a love so pure
it leads my weak heart to praise

what i can’t find in the times
what i’ve lost along the way
you are what can be mine
inspiration for another day