the new guy

Posted on by under Struggles

here again i search for phrases
that embody the way through the mazes
i stretch out a hand into the quiet
with no success i decide to try it

this, the result of a day hard at play
out in the world making friends and good pay
smiles and insults could be seen in their eyes
and i knew when a welcome was simply a lie

the last game i played i was crowned the master
but it was only a sport and the rookies were faster
so before i was old and put out of my prime
i fled from the town and reset the time

the chill of the new room reminds me why
why everyone hates to be the new guy
the mystery is that someday i might be
as important to them as they are to me

i think back on the faces i only remember
the ones that will forever be last December
and i miss them more than an acquaintance should
i wish i’d loved them, but i never could

as is my life, i am bound by a fear
that someday i’ll be led away from here
my days can’t be wasted making someone proud
my nights will be spent letting them down

if i am indeed my father’s son
why can’t i finish what he’s begun
i have no pride, and i need an excuse
to believe i am being put to good use

explain

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, God


she’s had a bad day, that much is clear
her head rests softly on his chest
and i can sense her peace from here
that moment when the weary find their rest

and i wonder, sure i wonder
in all the world, why those two?
if destiny rules with whispers and thunder
what are the lonely to do?

everyone’s eager to speak for me
as if they can voice what i feel
but only God knows what words cannot free
that emotion that’s never quite real
cause there’s something inside
that i’m trying to hide
somethings i can’t explain

there are thoughts that defy
my mind and my eye
somethings i can’t explain
this world is big on breaking the rules
going too far, and worshipping martyrs
just like putting new hats on old fools
their knowledge doesn’t make them smarter
i join in the song of chance melody
buy into the lie that we’re all alone
cause i want to hide behind everything i see
to escape that light that points me home

everyone’s saying i should believe
what they’ve decided to preach this week
but there is a truth that surely must grieve
cause this world lies, and i won’t speak

better off

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

i automatically consider san antonio as God’s will simply because i actually moved here — which i guess is something of a miracle. but truth is i’m just terrified to think that this is just another mistake or dead end. but i may not be “better off”, but at least i’m asking…begging God for help instead of living in blind contentment.

now i understand
how way back then
they could run from what i’d embrace

i said they were fools
i still know it’s true
but now i’m one of them

cause i can’t deny – You brought me here
though the reason is not clear
and i can’t deny – You’re still behind
the blessing i can’t find

no i’m not better off
but i’m closer – to You

i had a smile
brought from earthly things
but they too soon turned to dust

now i’m struggling
with what i’m doing here
and the hardest thing is to trust

cause i blame You – You brought me here
and the reason is not clear
and i thank You – You still behind
me though i am so blind

no i’m not better off
but i’m closer – to You

to see you again

Posted on by under Death

i did not dream of you last night
i’m afraid that i never will again
as time goes by, i will forget
to mourn for what might have been

i miss the way you made me feel
like it would all turn out alright
now every morning proves you wrong
but i still hope every night

and i miss the tears i used to cry
the pain, it seemed, to hasten the time
i miss the questions from care and concern
with my reply (it’s a lie) i’m not doing just fine

you always wanted honesty
thought i never let you in
but i’d spill out all my secrets if i
could just see you again

i miss the way you used to walk
stub your toe, but never cuss
i miss our all night arguments
you know i just miss “us”

i miss the pawprints on my windshield
that cat you made me buy
chased into the road one day
i never got to say goodbye

i miss that special mug you used
when the day called for caffine
and i miss being accused
of hiding all my feelings

i miss the way you doubted what’s true
i never kept anything from you.

think it’s over now

Posted on by under Getting Over It, Girls, My Favorites


i think it’s over now
there’s no way it could go on
i’ve been dreaming through the night
but i feel the warmth of dawn

can i pull the covers overy my head?
pretend it’s not the end?
no i’m not allowed
i can’t go back where i began

i’ve got to move on
leave this behind now
God, give me the strength to go
and show me how

if i was honest with her
would i regret what i said
more than the feeling
of keeping it in my head

but now there’s distance between us
i can start to forget
i won’t be blind anymore
but it hasn’t healed yet

if i find myself back here someday
it will be God leading the way
only a miracle will get her to see
she’s the only one for me

the match

Posted on by under Girls, Love, My Favorites, Sad


baby don’t strike that match
you don’t want to light that flame

baby don’t talk that talk
unless you’re ready to walk away

baby can’t you see
can’t you see the way i feel

baby don’t burn this bridge just yet
don’t do something that you’re gonna regret
i’m not asking for much
lets just keep in touch
don’t burn these bridges

baby you struck that match
off my cheeck like a kiss

baby i’ve been betrayed
by the one i’m still gonna miss

baby don’t drop that match
i’ve stories you haven’t heard
i’ll say anything
won’t you give me the words

make it clear

Posted on by under God, Struggles


i left home for college
he left cause he killed a man
we found more than we were ready for
more than we could comprehend

i envy him – how he stood there
staring at proof of God’s plan
how he doubted, and still believed
how he led the slaves from that land

where is that sign
that sends me on my way
signs of the time
don’t seem to speak through flames

but, God, i’m listening – why can’t i hear
when You speak – make it clear

i fear unpopularity
he hid from the wrath in the land
i am shown my potential
he knew he was the weakest man

i want an angel here telling me
i have the strength to succeed
and i want to test You when i can’t believe
You are choosing me to lead

where is my sign
that tells me what to be
signs of the time
don’t seem to dry my fleece

God, i’m listening – and i can’t hear
when You speak – will you make it clear?

love makes fools

Posted on by under Girls, Love


it’s a popular notion love won’t be denied
mothers tell daughters to wait for the tide
that washes over the walls of our doubt
and sweeps you away – it’ll happen some day

so girls wipe their eyes – escape under book covers
stories of pure and timeless lovers
in those pages – fantasy and lies
girls grow believing with hope in their eyes

it may never be
or it might be easy
but love will make fools of the wise

the wind-swept wasteland of the real world
wears down even the best of the bold
until we are hardened from some cold war
we needlessly fight in ourselves every night

i don’t believe any fairy tales
love may exist but grows old and stale
nothing can soften my mind made up heart
till i fall at the feet of the next girl i meet

it will never be
like i think it’ll be
falling in love makes fools of the wise

All the Answers

Posted on by under Faith, God, Struggles

 


why don’t i love my parents like a used to
why don’t i just do what i’m supposed to

why must this world spin on despite my cry for pause
where does God’s grace collide with God’s laws

oh – i don’t have all the answers
but i have all the answers i need

why don’t i don’t have friends like everyone’s supposed to
why can’t i just learn to trust in You

why must my prayers feel like they don’t leave my room
how long can one wait for someday soon

oh – i don’t have all the answers
but i have all the answers i need

what can she teach me that i don’t already know
what could be waiting in San Antonio

All I Can Say

Posted on by under Girls, Sad


i’ve got so much to say
i don’t want to give it away with a look
but she always has her nose
 stuck in that damn book

so i’m quiet till the right time
but everyday just seems wrong
screw the timing, i speak up
to find she’s gone

so i’ll wait till tomorrow i guess
maybe then i’ll know what’s best
i wish it could have been today
i wish – is all i can say

she left me alone and lonely
almost in mid-sentence
i can say it’s no matter of mine
but my shield is showing dents

so i write it all down
and plan to give it to her
but it carries a promise
i know i can’t deliver

well maybe things will be better with me
when i finally learn to set her free