I want to share with you my favorite story from the Bible. It’s about God, death, and best of all… eating. It’s about a guy named Elijah who has to take the one ring to rule them all back to Mordor to …. oh wait that’s Elijah Wood and that’s a different thing. Comedy! But seriously, this story has always stuck with me and been a source of comfort and I hope it does the same for you. Did I mention it’s about eating?
Click Clack. Click Clack. Click Clack. The sound of my blinker was the only thing I could hear as I sat alone at the stoplight. To my left and right I could see far enough down the road to know that no headlights were coming. I was only sitting there because the driving rules say I should and because I’m scared of policemen. I watched as the crosswalk sign counted down to one and then turned to an orange hand. Then the intersection was lit up with yellow and then red. I took my foot off the brake in anticipation of it finally being my turn… but the green light never came.
The sun was beginning its descent into the Pacific ocean last Sunday while I was hiking in central Phoenix. It played hide and seek behind the ridge line above me and when at last I was swallowed up in the mountain’s shadow it seemed to set the edges on fire. I took a faulty step, caught my balance before tumbling down the hill, and thought about tattoos. I should explain…
Last New Years Eve I declared 2012 the Year of No Judgement. That resolution lasted about as long as your resolution to stop reading random blogs you found on Facebook. I mean really, there are plenty of better things you could be doing with your time right now…
<deep breath>
So like I was saying about not judging people…
I’ve had enough to drink over you.
It doesn’t matter. It’s over. We’re through.
Maybe one day we’ll be in the same room.
Without reading into everything we do.
You’ll tell your friends how I did you wrong.
I’ll get my revenge with guitar and a song.
We’ll wonder how we ever got along.
Love and hate both feel so strong.
But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
And nobody thinks we should try again.
I’m invited to parties and I ask if you’re there
My friends they all tell me that I shouldn’t care
You can’t keep me from going out anywhere.
I can’t stand to see you. The truth is, I’m scared.
I’m scared of a past I’ve been drinking away
I’m scared if I see you of what I might say
I’m scared you will leave. I’m scared you will stay
I’m scared that I’ll tell you all this one day.
But I don’t want to be your enemy.
And you don’t want to be friends.
Sometimes I get drunk and think about trying again
I wasn’t looking for it, but it was right where I never left it.
I thought I knew what to expect in Texas.
I was returning to the land of my birth to be “Uncle Dan” – surrounded by six nieces and nephews. It would be quite a culture shock for me as I am used to a slightly more collegiate lifestyle. For instance, when I hear the word “shot” I don’t immediately think one of the kids was visiting a doctor. It had been months since I’d seen San Antonio and I didn’t realize that something was waiting for me besides my family and friends…
this is what i believe.
i believe something went terribly wrong.
i believe in the brokenness of every one.
i believe in the existence of a cure.
i believe there is a God.
i believe there is a reason for everything.
i believe this life is full of pain.
i believe this life is not the only.
i believe the words of Christ.
i believe He took the bullet for me.
i believe i don’t always believe this.
i believe that is my deepest shame.
i believe faith does not equal happiness.
i believe faith is a source of comfort.
i believe i have a reason for joy
i believe i have a reason for tears.
i believe i don’t know much.
i believe God wants to be chosen
i believe He doesn’t make us slaves
i believe mercy sounds like silence.
i believe grace is blind to deeds.
i believe that is my only hope.
one decision ends my life
made one thousand times
quick to choose and to regret
the chance was ever mine
the wrong words seem to echo
though only after they’ve been said
i cannot live it better
only over in my head
i’ll be honest with you
i’m only capable of lies
i know my place and play the role
of a prince in a frog disguise
see this story ends too soon
everything fades to black
before the magic, before the kiss
before i win her back
she stumbled out in front of your car
arms up wiping blood from her nose
you wouldn’t have recognized her
if it wasn’t for her shoulder rose
a little faded on older skin
you held her hand as she winced
two months later she slapped your face
and you haven’t seen her since
for a while she was a ghost
in the night, you’d think you see
you hoped for her everytime
there was a message on your machine
and through your windshield you can hear
her shouting, “watch where you’re going!”
oh the questions you could ask
you’re mostly afraid of knowing
pull the key out and open the door
you used to pray you’d find her
touch the rose that she once swore
would serve as a reminder