at your word

they say i can’t depend on you for anything
unless i depend on you for everything
am i saved from the fires of hell
by the weak wings of tinkerbell?
if i doubt, will i hear your voice?
does it really simplify down to my choice?
if i only hear what i know i will
i’m a deaf skeptic, seeking you still
though in word, no not in deed
for you must not be all i need
i find the tangible an easy trick
just be patient, i’ll make this quick
i’m the whore, dressed up in fishnets
lie down with the moon, cause the sun will forget
i can face you and say that you never were fair
deep down i’ll wonder if i’m lecturing air
bold like a child playing with daddy’s gun
all in the sacred name of fun
i twist the spear stuck in your side
while lamenting how you prefer to hide
empty are all the answers i have heard
until i take you at your word

stranger

a stranger rode in from somewhere south
his face told more stories than his mouth
he stopped first at our general store
his old boots left tracks on the floor

momma mumbled and grabbed a broom
followed the man around the room
my father asked him where he was going
he replied, “nowhere worth knowing”

word spread as fast as a shout is loud
a stranger knows how to attract a crowd
the sunset so bright, i looked away
watching the stranger ride away

so lonely

have you ever been so lonely
you run out of reasons to stay awake?
and each hour off the clock
is 60 reasons for heartbreak?

have you ever been so lonely
you can’t remember hearing your name
spoken by other than salesmen
and every one is the same

each one has just what you need
to make your life complete
you look for answers in the eyes
of everyone you meet

have you ever been so lonely
you know it’s useless to cry
have you ever wept anyway
as a way to pass the time

June 20

i could be depressed
i could bend your ear
with all the saddest stories
you didn’t ask to hear

instead i will smile
and wait for you to call
then i will say i’m fine
i don’t miss you at all

history

here are more words i’m donating to
the waste of time i spend on you
i lower a bucket into a dust dry well
searching for some new story to tell

but all i draw is this pebble truth
i long for rumor in place of proof
some mystery to flow through my hands
at least something i can’t understand

i hope someday you’ll think of me
but you were never one for history

you are that one note sung so soft
i can’t reach, i’m always off
so i try to catch you in my song
but every time it sounds so wrong

and like a sport that children enjoy
the men who play it are destroyed
when the game is over, everyone goes home
but i am not willing to leave alone

used to believe

i used to believe
you’d hear this someday
as sure as the radio plays

i used to believe
you’d hear me someday
when i figured out what to say

i only wanted you to be happy
but i hate that you’re happy now
less than noble, so afraid
of what you’ve finally found

i used to believe
in signs i would see
that you were the one for me

i used to believe
in someday
sure as the radio plays

i’d choose wrong

look i’m not trying to waste your time
i keep reaching for words like rifles
on a battlefield – but each one empty
i will play dead…instead

poets have said it better than i
the guilt of love …never to be
i’m calling my hope like a loose dog
it’s chasing you…like i used to

given the choice, i’d choose wrong
cut off my ear to buy your song
so it’s best that you stay away
that’s all i’m trying to say

never for me

the touch of her fingers
her hair in the wind
the smell of her showers
the feel of her skin
the sound of her laughter
the sight of her tears
her face in the moonlight
the curve of each ear
the look when she’s angry
that wrinkling brow
the look when she’s bored
like the world let’s her down
her voice when she whispers
her love (when she cares)
the warmth of her closeness
her legs long and bare
her eyes when she’s blinking
her chest when she breathes
her arms when she’s reaching
but never for me

behind goodbye

when you told me you were going away
i can’t remember if i wished you’d stay
but i recall seeing words in your eyes
now trapped forever behind “goodbye”

it’s raining today, i’m safe inside
away from the crowd, with a place to hide
the silence reminds me of that day
i wonder what you were trying to say

in time

a white dress wrapped around someone else’s bride
right words that never escaped from inside
deep feelings that are too wrong to confess
in time you’ll grow to love her less
hold the invitation like your other choice
what might have been if love had a voice
too good of a friend not to be there
for the wrong reasons though you care
so she never knows of the castle you built
to house her, now it’s filled with guilt
every memory you secretly made
becomes a debt forever paid
but you spoke so sure of destiny
what ever happened to meant to be
could you shout DONT from the back of the room
could you win in a fight with the groom
no, somehow he is the better man
she picked him to hold her hand
so you’ll go and smile and say i do
when she asks if you think their love is true
you’ll swallow your secret, she’ll never guess
in time you’ll grow to love her less