Tag Archives: my stuff

arizona rain

Posted on by under God, Struggles
10-10-2000
—–
inspiration like arizona rain
falls on the sand it abandoned
flows life through the land like veins
i’ve never been to arizona
maybe a clue to what i’m missing
a lifevest thrown from a passing plane
‘we won’t be able to save you, son
but we’ll send someone you’re way’
oceans are deserts when you’re left alone
and dipping waves give no glimpse of home
was the promise a lie, a mirage in the sky?
forgotten flood as the land goes dry?
no, i am clutching to the proof of hope
bobbing in an ocean of reality
no, these cactus thorns are sharp with life
the desert sports a new coat of green
all i need will forever surround
lifevests for oceans, rain for dry ground
could this be what tv tells me?
a so far product of eternity?
my faith falls short of the popular claim
we merely meander ’round a ball of flames
for i see a rhythm in the world
these swelling waves keep perfect time
lost in this blue i am privy to truth
contentment will always deny
i am broken, no matter since when
i cannot conquer my eventual end
i haven’t the power to change my mind
i am found more than i find
this desert ocean gives me a voice
through cracked lips i must rejoice
mercy is granted because of my deeds
grace is given in excess of my needs
raindrops bring word of God’s faithfulness
rescue ships sail with a bounty of goodness
though i will never be worthy
these are the gifts God has given me

the breath you exhaled into me

Posted on by under Faith, God, Hope, My Favorites
10-6-2000
—-
it’s like finding something and only when
your eyes catch sight of it then
you realize that you were needing it all along
and that’s what was missing – that’s what was wrong
like kicking off the sheets and finding cool night air
forgetting four senses getting lost in a stare
twirling so fast that world stands still
and walking away when you’ve had your fill
catching me falling when you know that i jumped
comfort me crying when i’m down in the dumps
a key to a door that i’ve tried to lock
a set of cuffs for the hands of the clock
a leaky lifeboat over an ocean of grace
at last i tried to splash my face
and found the breath you exhaled into me
found the breath you exhaled into me.

remember my name

Posted on by under friends, Struggles
2-18
—-
where are my thoughts that i can explain
this feeling inside neither pleasure nor pain
so many miles still i haven’t moved on
i remember so much that i never feel gone
but i am forgotten, i must keep in mind
the lives i left have left me behind
there is no great sadness, cause it wasn’t to be
they were never supposed to matter to me
i guess i slipped up, i guess it’s a sin
my desparate craving to be back there again
resting my mind in the hands of the clock
assuming my someday i’ll be back on the block
but i will not change from this image of shame
and they may not even remember my name.

unerasable marks

Posted on by under God, Struggles

11/15/99

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

a reason for it all

Posted on by under Faith, God

7-29-99

give me some worry
give me some pain
give me something
so i can complain
every truth i ignore
every knock on locked doors
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all
give me some sleep
give me some peace
give me a freedom
a taste of release
every sin i hide
all the times i lied
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all

5-18-99

Posted on by under Girls, Sad
i’m supposed to say something smart
but i’m fresh out of wise
everyone’s waiting to laugh
they stare with pitiful eyes
i can tell a story
one they’ve already heard
boy meets girl, and then
comes that L word
what audience will sit through this
even though the seats are free
i have to admit, i wouldn’t submit
to sit and watch me
tough love, no chance
she’s way out of my reach
she’ll never be my girl
no matter how sweet my speech

a girl

Posted on by under Getting Over It, Girls

dammit
she’s a girl
just a girl
not a pill to make my problems go away
not a destiny to make my credits roll
a girl
with her own issues and desires and dreams
more apart from me
than i’d admit to myself
she’s not what i look for her to be
because i’m looking for fiction
and she’s just a girl

fair to her

Posted on by under Girls, Sad


is it fair to her if i’m just killing time until you’re mine?
is it fair to her if i’m just holding on until you’re gone?
but i won’t break her just to fix myself
what if she is the one?

i know you’re not, but you could be

weak reflection

Posted on by under Conviction / Doubt, Girls, God, My Favorites, Sad


is this some weak relfection of how God feels
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms
i try to be the one she wants but it’s up to her to see
i’m here to hold her and keep her safe from harm

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…