Tag Archives: poem

abandon my hope

Posted on by under Girls, Struggles

1-15-01
—–

oh yeah i’m feeling the burn alright
the soft ache of a silent night
it’s not so much that i’m lonely
it’s not so bad that i’m me

i’ve got a stack of distractions
waiting for me to take action
but i’m stuck on the maybe you might
want to waste some time tonight

tv, flicker on, and save me from
lessons learned that strike me dumb
i am not defined by a telephone ring
i should not wish for such things

like an empty roll and a strangers place
to ask for help is to risk disgrace
but everyone feels this way today
but only i have the guts to say

i don’t care that it’s foolish
i don’t care that i’m wasting a wish
the world can’t tell me what to do
i cannot abandon my hope for you

i am winter

Posted on by under Death, Struggles

1/4/2001

i am winter come to ruin
the promise of last spring
with freezing rain on window panes
i am death of everything

there is no guilt or sadness
for summer’s come and gone
each has had their day
i am dusk for every dawn

at the end of december

Posted on by under friends, Struggles

12-31
—–

every person in my universe
has something better to do
than to just check up on me
before the year is new

every tear that i have wasted
every tear wiped on my sleeve
is all from beautiful lies
i tried to believe

too old to feel so fresh
why does the pain return
same way i cross bridges
that have burned

ah, but it’s no tragedy
no, they all will say they care
it’s just that they’re too busy
and that’s only fair

but i would like to be
someone to remember
someone to be with
at the end of december

pardon

Posted on by under God

12/16/2000

spotlights stroll the prison yard
i’m stuck back in a shadow
fifty feet from the closest wall
watching dogs alert with my fear
a tug of a leash and it’s clear
i start out slow, unsure of the plan
they’re looking for reasons to kill a man
cheek to the wall, grabbing at brick
the harsh glow passes, just at my feet
and i pull and grunt almost shout
but make it up there – halfway out
but what does freedom offer me
here i get meals and a place to sleep
maybe the best i could ever find
maybe the world is worse than i recall
and i call out for some help down
the dogs let loose and soon surround
the pounding thought, “what have i done”
i should have had the nerve to run
it’s not so bad, the slamming cell door
just that i’ve been here before
i can never go back to when this was new
when i heard stories and believed a few
no, now i have the facts of the matter
regret for the deed that brought me here
the cold ringing of taunting keys
someone is here to see me
they lead me out – into sunlight
and the gate is sliding…click
i turn around and face my past
sealed up tight and silent
but this is not fair, this is not right
who sleeps in my cell tonight?
no hope of parole, no i had to die
could someone have changed their mind?
oh i draw a breath of fresh, free air
to ask, “why am i here, and who is in there?”

trepidation

Posted on by under God, Struggles

10/25/2000

God, if i give you what you’ve earned
the sacrifice that is meant to burn
what will become of the world i know
shallow laughs with lies below

trepidation, face of fear
as Your promised land draws near
what if i can’t handle being real
what if i break what time can’t heal

but there’s the answer, time is myth
just a curse that breath comes with
and only your touch makes one of two
and let’s me free of the things i do

when Christ walked here, He did not sin
did He sometimes feel trapped in His skin
no, time was the cage that humbled the King
trapped in minutes from eternity

do you remember, or have you moved on
sitting in darkness, waiting for dawn
it’s past midnight here, what can i do
i have no choice but to wait on You

arizona rain

Posted on by under God, Struggles
10-10-2000
—–
inspiration like arizona rain
falls on the sand it abandoned
flows life through the land like veins
i’ve never been to arizona
maybe a clue to what i’m missing
a lifevest thrown from a passing plane
‘we won’t be able to save you, son
but we’ll send someone you’re way’
oceans are deserts when you’re left alone
and dipping waves give no glimpse of home
was the promise a lie, a mirage in the sky?
forgotten flood as the land goes dry?
no, i am clutching to the proof of hope
bobbing in an ocean of reality
no, these cactus thorns are sharp with life
the desert sports a new coat of green
all i need will forever surround
lifevests for oceans, rain for dry ground
could this be what tv tells me?
a so far product of eternity?
my faith falls short of the popular claim
we merely meander ’round a ball of flames
for i see a rhythm in the world
these swelling waves keep perfect time
lost in this blue i am privy to truth
contentment will always deny
i am broken, no matter since when
i cannot conquer my eventual end
i haven’t the power to change my mind
i am found more than i find
this desert ocean gives me a voice
through cracked lips i must rejoice
mercy is granted because of my deeds
grace is given in excess of my needs
raindrops bring word of God’s faithfulness
rescue ships sail with a bounty of goodness
though i will never be worthy
these are the gifts God has given me

the breath you exhaled into me

Posted on by under Faith, God, Hope, My Favorites
10-6-2000
—-
it’s like finding something and only when
your eyes catch sight of it then
you realize that you were needing it all along
and that’s what was missing – that’s what was wrong
like kicking off the sheets and finding cool night air
forgetting four senses getting lost in a stare
twirling so fast that world stands still
and walking away when you’ve had your fill
catching me falling when you know that i jumped
comfort me crying when i’m down in the dumps
a key to a door that i’ve tried to lock
a set of cuffs for the hands of the clock
a leaky lifeboat over an ocean of grace
at last i tried to splash my face
and found the breath you exhaled into me
found the breath you exhaled into me.

remember my name

Posted on by under friends, Struggles
2-18
—-
where are my thoughts that i can explain
this feeling inside neither pleasure nor pain
so many miles still i haven’t moved on
i remember so much that i never feel gone
but i am forgotten, i must keep in mind
the lives i left have left me behind
there is no great sadness, cause it wasn’t to be
they were never supposed to matter to me
i guess i slipped up, i guess it’s a sin
my desparate craving to be back there again
resting my mind in the hands of the clock
assuming my someday i’ll be back on the block
but i will not change from this image of shame
and they may not even remember my name.

unerasable marks

Posted on by under God, Struggles

11/15/99

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

a reason for it all

Posted on by under Faith, God

7-29-99

give me some worry
give me some pain
give me something
so i can complain
every truth i ignore
every knock on locked doors
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all
give me some sleep
give me some peace
give me a freedom
a taste of release
every sin i hide
all the times i lied
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all