poem
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abandon my hope
1-15-01 —– oh yeah i’m feeling the burn alright the soft ache of a silent night it’s not so much that i’m lonely it’s not so bad that i’m me i’ve got a stack of distractions waiting for me to take action but i’m stuck on the maybe you might want to waste some time…
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i am winter
1/4/2001 i am winter come to ruin the promise of last spring with freezing rain on window panes i am death of everything there is no guilt or sadness for summer’s come and gone each has had their day i am dusk for every dawn
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at the end of december
12-31 —– every person in my universe has something better to do than to just check up on me before the year is new every tear that i have wasted every tear wiped on my sleeve is all from beautiful lies i tried to believe too old to feel so fresh why does the pain…
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pardon
12/16/2000 spotlights stroll the prison yard i’m stuck back in a shadow fifty feet from the closest wall watching dogs alert with my fear a tug of a leash and it’s clear i start out slow, unsure of the plan they’re looking for reasons to kill a man cheek to the wall, grabbing at brick…
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trepidation
10/25/2000 God, if i give you what you’ve earned the sacrifice that is meant to burn what will become of the world i know shallow laughs with lies below trepidation, face of fear as Your promised land draws near what if i can’t handle being real what if i break what time can’t heal but…
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arizona rain
10-10-2000 —– inspiration like arizona rain falls on the sand it abandoned flows life through the land like veins i’ve never been to arizona maybe a clue to what i’m missing a lifevest thrown from a passing plane ‘we won’t be able to save you, son but we’ll send someone you’re way’ oceans are deserts…
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the breath you exhaled into me
10-6-2000 —- it’s like finding something and only when your eyes catch sight of it then you realize that you were needing it all along and that’s what was missing – that’s what was wrong like kicking off the sheets and finding cool night air forgetting four senses getting lost in a stare twirling so…
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remember my name
2-18 —- where are my thoughts that i can explain this feeling inside neither pleasure nor pain so many miles still i haven’t moved on i remember so much that i never feel gone but i am forgotten, i must keep in mind the lives i left have left me behind there is no great…
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unerasable marks
11/15/99 i say crap and i say damnit i say i lost it as if i had it i can analyze and say i don’t care truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing but…
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a reason for it all
7-29-99 give me some worry give me some pain give me something so i can complain every truth i ignore every knock on locked doors every time i take a fall there’s a reason for it all give me some sleep give me some peace give me a freedom a taste of release every sin…