she would of loved me if i wasn’t so fat
i doubt everything, but i’m sure of that
she didn’t love me so neither do i
i see myself through her distracted eyes
everyone smiles but they never stay
they would if i didn’t drive them away
i’d love to wonder what kind words might mean
instead of knowing they want something from me
if only i could tease, just once to flirt
but it’s a man’s game, boys just get hurt
everything i defined myself around
is trembling and falling to ground
until all that’s left is all i need
a love that waits to set me free
from every pound, and just-a-friend
from all the reasons i’ll fail again
love, break me open and stitch my wounds
tell me i’ll find someone soon
so many stories remain untold
hidden by crumbling walls
cut short phone calls
eighty story falls
we trade these imaginations
of unwitnessed scenes
over pennsylvania green
top floors and in between
this earth absorbs the stories
no tongue will ever form
it weeps them from the storm
when september nights are warm
hopelessly fallen so deep in her eyes
i drop in my quarters, she isn’t the prize
she is a queen and i am the joker
muttering curses to the guy who broke her
i’m expensive dessert, she’s already full
she’s a new sweater, i’m the thread you pull
she’s beautiful so bittersweet
admittedly out of my reach
hopelessly fallen but i still get advice
they throw dirty looks not handfuls of rice
pick myself out of this pit of fantasy
where i lie and wait for her to choose me
i know they are right, i know i should go
to the calm of the cliff and watch the river flow
and see that the current will take her away
realize that heaven must shrug when i pray
lifting up prayers like torches
to light this shadowed land
a cry for something solid
some simple i can understand
i am looking for some treasure
some weakness to defend
i am looking for her love
but it’s not what God intends
i am looking for a goddess
to bow and kiss her hand
i lift up prayers for things
God does not have planned
a flame up to this dry hope
i seer these words in my mind
that not every priceless treasure
is meant for me to find
i’m knocking at a door
i think opens up on home
a mirage in desert sand
it’s my reason to roam
but i’m crying for attention
her care to keep me warm
i crawl into her life
shelter from the storm
she is what i can’t pray for
she is the treasure to defend
she is the rainbow in my sky
she is not what God intends
nothing seems less fair
than these tears that fall
i was on my best behavior
still not good enough
for You
who watches us unfold
and lay bare in open day
cringe and crinkle in the flames
no, still not worthy
nothing i have earned
to keep me happy, keep me saved
keep me from being burned
it’s only You
who pull me higher
only You who demands my desire
above healing of old wounds
i want You to come back soon
and explain to me why
i let myself down
and give pieces of me away
to all the wrong people
who can’t be trusted
with what You made
this sad mess of a man
but You see more in me
than i could ever dream
show me
a frame from a better day
a glimpse of when i let go
and let You lead the way
i’m a little bit lonely
i’m a little bit down
tonight i regret
ever coming to this town
i know it’s not real
just one of my moods
not a bad life
just bad attitude
but i can’t help the wishing
the aching for a friend today
to call me cause they can’t
seem to stay away
bad luck, i guess for me
the legend of the day
i feel like believing it
to give me something to say
something i can blame
when this silence settles in
something i can use
when i can’t find a friend
i pinned my heart one night to a wall
woke up in time to hear it fall
surprised that it happened again so quick
i beat that disease, but now i’m sick
and i held my ground like an alamo
defending the lie that i could let you go
but the days come rushing in around me
i’m reminded of what faded silently
there is no use in apologies
for you weren’t wounded, only me
and i am the one that fixes you
now i’m bleeding, what can i do?
but wrap up memories like a tourniquet
and be the friend you will never forget
and that is enough for me to survive
my place in your day, it keeps me alive
where are my thoughts that i can explain
this feeling inside neither pleasure nor pain
so many miles still i haven’t moved on
i remember so much that i never feel gone
but i am forgotten, i must keep in mind
the lives i left have left me behind
there is no great sadness, cause it wasn’t to be
they were never supposed to matter to me
i guess i slipped up, i guess it’s a sin
my desperate craving to be back there again
resting my mind in the hands of the clock
assuming my someday i’ll be back on the block
but i will not change from this image of shame
and they may not even remember my name.
she saved every letter as most girls do
she kept every proof that he cared
(he didn’t care)
she fell for the lies of his deep blue eyes
and filled up blank pages with his name
(he called her babe)
she sobered herself with lonely nights
and found a reason to believe the truth
(he was sorry)
she stole her back heart and finally reached his
she was walking away when he fell for her
(he loved her)
she was tempted to turn his lesson was learned
she didn’t look back, she was free
(he was too late)