the new guy

here again i search for phrases
that embody the way through the mazes
i stretch out a hand into the quiet
with no success i decide to try it

this, the result of a day hard at play
out in the world making friends and good pay
smiles and insults could be seen in their eyes
and i knew when a welcome was simply a lie

the last game i played i was crowned the master
but it was only a sport and the rookies were faster
so before i was old and put out of my prime
i fled from the town and reset the time

the chill of the new room reminds me why
why everyone hates to be the new guy
the mystery is that someday i might be
as important to them as they are to me

i think back on the faces i only remember
the ones that will forever be last December
and i miss them more than an acquaintance should
i wish i’d loved them, but i never could

as is my life, i am bound by a fear
that someday i’ll be led away from here
my days can’t be wasted making someone proud
my nights will be spent letting them down

if i am indeed my father’s son
why can’t i finish what he’s begun
i have no pride, and i need an excuse
to believe i am being put to good use

crap dammit

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

there is a reason

give me some worry
give me some pain
give me something
so i can complain

every truth i ignore
every knock on locked doors
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all

give me some sleep
give me some peace
give me a freedom
a taste of release

every sin i hide
all the times i lied
every time i take a fall
there’s a reason for it all