tonight she is his

not tonight,not tonight!
please GOD not tonight!
i’m so scared, i’m so tired
i won’t put up a fight
i will dream of hopelessness

i’m tortured, i’m tortured!
these thoughts, they are true
if only i could call in a rescure
where would that leave me then?

right now, right now
they’re in love, they are wed
right now she’s crawling into his bed
oh save me FROM MY OWN MIND!

these nightmares
i know they are real
i’m so sorry i know
this is not how i should feel
but i’ll never see the promised land.

i’m so sorry, so sorry
i’ll never do it again
that’s a lie, you and i
both know this is not the end
the end of hopelessness

right now, right now
God, i hate imagination
can’t You send a distraction?
because I…

I’ve suffered enough
yes, i know i was wrong
i hoped and i believed
and lost it all
i lost it all tonight

it’s not that i still need her
it’s just that i see
all this time i’ve wasted
so foolishly
and now where can i get away?

i wish her the best
at least better than me
right now i wish
i could get some sleep
without thinking
he’s making her so happy

Be Happy

i won’t be at your wedding
but i’ll be giving you away
he’ll carry you off
this saturday

i wanted to be like him
no i just wished that he was me
i asked you for forever
i’ll settle for a history

you said if i really loved you
i’d let you go be happy

so you’ll walk slowly down the aisle
clutching a bright blue bouquet
and you won’t even notice me gone
the man giving you away

so easy to feel

i never asked the world to help me off the ground
dust me off, hug me, and carry me around
i sip life through a straw, slow and steady wins the race
i forget that every time i’ve ended up in second place

if you call my name i’ll try to make you smile
i never asked for anyone to stand with rank and file
every now and then i stop to wonder where i am
but i never asked the world to give a damn

i park in distant space, walk too far back home
i don’t complain about the fact i’m most often alone
when i feel the dark clouds coming, hear thunder like a train
doubt is just a lack of hope and truth is falling rain

i never was one to try and change the way you live
i didin’t keep score of what you take and what i give
i only wish that empty wasn’t so easy to feel
i never gave you anything you did not want to steal

i was wrong

i heard you’re getting married
you don’t want me to know
i heard you’re getting married
you don’t want me to go

’cause you think that i still love you
so afraid of what i’ll say
yeah you know that i still love you
so it’s best i stay away

but i won’t make this long
i’ll just say i was wrong
when i said we were meant to be

i’m sorry.

christmas

 

 

i haven’t seen snow in texas in ten years
but this winter seems cold enough without you here
i don’t know why you have to get married
during the holidays

’cause i gave you my valentine’s
and my 4th of july
now you’ll spend christmas
with some other guy

i guess i really saw this coming, i know
i always thought you fall for me like
texas snow….eventually
i don’t know why you think that guy
can give what i cannot

’cause i gave you my valentine’s
and my 4th of july
now you’ll spend christmas
with some other guy

i choose you


should i throw back practiced lines
just repeating things i’ve heard
or should i stay quiet until
you send a word?

i don’t think i can hear you
i don’t know to fear you
i don’t think i can hear you

i don’t know how to love you, Jesus
i don’t know how to love myself
love is just a word to me, Jesus
a secret no one ever tells

can you calm these storms?
cause i’m so scared, i’m so scared
when you do calm these storms
i’ll know you’re there
i’ll know you’re there

but is that all i want from you?
just stone hard concrete proof?
can i choose you?
can i choose you?

can i say you tell the truth
without the proof?

can you calm these storms?
either way, i choose you

audible songs


what if each day was a treasure to find?
and there were no curtains to hide behind
could i just believe in you?
take one thing as undoubtedly true?

what if everyone automatically knew
and didn’t have to make excuses for You?
is it a sin to seek audible songs?
come in a cloud and tell me i’m wrong

sometimes it gets so hard
to remember
i love you

i collect the answers to pick and choose
what truth is out there that i can’t abuse
stands on its own even misunderstood
would i even admit it if i could

no, i would make it a choice of desires
share in your sorrows or stay warm by the fire
i chase a world that can’t offer me more
than what you give, what i ignore

your reasons

i’d give you the best of me
if i wasn’t so afraid of what you’d do
i say you know what’s best for me
but i act like that’s true

in dark rooms i wrestle with you
you unleash your obvious truth
deep down i know the answer too
all i’m asking for is proof

i think of your reasons for loving me
clashing with your invisibility
but they’re one and the same
you bear the blame
it is my choice to see

like an animal who’s spent his life
safe in captivity
sometimes i wish that you had
never set me free

the world is meaner than i can stand
you say you have a place
i wish you’d lead me by the hand
but you want to be chased

worth it

am i led into the desert
or do i go there on my own?

do i have to swing so hard
to get water from a stone

i can’t see a burning bush
i can’t see your signs
i wish you’d come and tell me
something that i can’t deny

say you love me
tell me i’m beautiful
say you love me
tell me i’m beautiful
tell me i’m worth it.

i would sit right by the fire
they’d ask me and i would deny

and i’d stand back in the corner
till i put a finger in your side

the distraction

acting embarrassed, you entered the room
but every guy noticed like you wanted him to
so hot air conditioner turned on
you move like wind – quickly gone

a couple of guys were elbowed in the ribs
but they said, “darling, i don’t find her attractive!”
even the trees bend to give you shade
and for once this concrete was glad it got laid

you’re not the kind of girl boys take home
more like the kind of girl they follow